After Moody’s Investor Service downgraded Trinidad and Tobago’s rating, Google has been disappointed in Trinidad and Tobago, a nation it has gotten involved with due to a 2013 email scandal. Google sees TnT as country with great potential that is being wasted. Google is considering buying the twin island republic for about $30B USD to run its affairs more efficiently and reap the benefits for themselves.
Google CEO, Larry Page, said the company is disappointed most of all by Trinidad and Tobago’s lack of initiative. “It’s crazy. The country has so much oil, so many engineering and computer science graduates, so much international cultural capital, yet they have invented nothing to help with their traffic problem, they still use typewriters in licensing offices, and they don’t mass produce steelpans even though the entire world LOVES that fucking thing! I heard some people even still use Blackberry phones. It would be an injustice for us to sit back and let this laziness persist.”
Page continued. “For those who know their history, there was a time the US considered annexing the entire Caribbean to itself, but it thought better of it because we didn’t want to give you all full citizenship to migrate to our shores. We clearly made the wrong decision because you all still flood our nation in droves anyway. Since colonialism is no longer morally acceptable, we will go the good old capitalist route and just buy you out on behalf of our great nation.”
Google does not think running the nation would be much of a hassle even though it would be their highest grossing acquisition to date. “We bought Motorolla for $12.5bUSD, I think getting TnT – an entire country – for $30bUSD is a sweet deal. Running the country may be a challenge but nothing our interns can’t handle. If for some reason TnT doesn’t bring the profits we think it should, we’ll just sell it to Samsung or Iceland or maybe even Massy Group, since they’ve been trying to take over the country for years. However, we don’t expect to have to sell, as we believe Trinidad & Tobago could be a real moneymaker if properly managed.”
According to Page, most of his information about the financial potential of Trinidad and Tobago came to them from Jack Warner.