Mnombo Madyibi, 32, ended up with a bandaged head after attempting to take his wife’s virginity on their honeymoon having decided to abstain until they were wed.

Virgin Bride

The unnamed wife described her husband’s penis as a ‘hairy, scary cucumber.’ He reportedly goes by the nickname of ‘Anaconda’ after his football teammates saw his gigantic manhood in the changing rooms.  

Virgin Bride

‘All was well and she enjoyed the foreplay,’Mnombo Madyibi told the Daily Star newspaper.’But all hell broke loose the moment I took off my underwear.’

Virgin Bride

As their intimacy continued, Mnombo said his wife reacted in horror, bit his ear and squeezed his private parts. ‘Before I knew it, she knocked me over with a bottle of wine before attempting to suffocate me with a red and white teddy bear I’d bought her as a gift.’

the-game

Mnombo’s screams woke up other guests at their bed an breakfast in Coffee Bay, South Africa, and the pair ended up taking different buses home on what should have been the best night of their lives.

Eggplant

 ‘I think she’s angry because I could only afford a cheaper honeymoon instead of the one she wished for in Zanzibar,’ Mnombo Madyibi said of his new bride.

Cucumber

His wife, who the amateur football player had met at church last year, played down the violence, saying: ‘He has a big penis – long like a cucumber and hairy and scary like a bush.’I only slapped him on the cheek.’

Black Couple

With their marriage on the rocks, the newlyweds have decided to agree to counseling instead of involving the police to tackle their issues. ‘I’ve only heard of penis enlargement and not penis shrinking.’ Madyibi said: